Hello, hello, hello. I hope the summer has been treating you all well. Mine’s been decent, went on a cross country train ride from Toronto to Vancouver which ended in an Alaskan cruise in June which was pretty sweet. July has been working, some swimming and seeing my bestie before she abandons me and goes off to live in Scotland for a year. I have been feel very uninspired and tired lately, which I hate. I’m trying to figure out a good work-life balance because right now it is hard and I miss being creative. One of the best ways for me to get back on track is to write a review here so off I go.
The episode opens with a shot of an old restaurant that used to exist in Toronto called Licks. I am almost positive this specific location is the one by my old high school in The Beaches area of Toronto. We go inside and we see Amanda and Phyllis with Stephen ordering some grub. Amanda’s all crabby because the reason they are there is because Stephen is a cheapo and will only go to places where he has coupons. But considering she’s likely getting a free meal, she should shut up and eat it.
Alas though, they did not come here just for the low priced food items, Stephen and Phyllis have an ulterior motive. They start casually bringing up Stephen’s loft and how its’ super big and awesome and arty etc. etc. Amanda catches on fast and is like “wtf are you alluding to?” Phyllis states that her and Stephen are in lurve and really want to try living together. How long have they been dating? Honestly it seems like only a couple months, especially since it felt like she dated SMel for ages. I guess Phyllis is really eager to just to lock it down with Stephen and not waste all her time like she did with her previous boyfriend. Amanda is unimpressed and states the usual blah blah you can’t control my life/stop ruining my life dramatics she’s known for. Phyllis tells her to cool her effin’ jets but Amanda peaces out because she’s tired of seeing her mom act so thirsty all the time.
The next day at school we are in an art class with a teacher who loves to quote Francis Bacon for some reason. Busy, Amanda and Nina are all painting away. Busy states that Ernie Lipnit keeps putting drawings of office supplies in her locker, which is extremely bizarre. She should consider herself lucky though as if this was nowadays she’d likely be getting dick pics sent to her via SnapChat. Busy notices Amanda’s being mopey and asks what’s up. Amanda states her mom’s usual bs is getting her down, which Busy shuts down immediately as her yearly quota of hearing about Amanda’s mom has been filled. Amanda gets really irate and gets up to get something just as Monkey Ears comes along, flicking paint at people like a mouth breather. Amanda tells him to f off and he asks her if she’s going to the dance and maybe they can go together. She says sure with fucking bells on and he believes her and gets really excited and scampers off.
Busy jokes that her and Lipnit could double date with Amanda and Monkey Ears which pisses off Amanda even more. The teacher then comes up and starts saying how Amanda shows a lot of promise since she’s painting a sunset instead of a train which is what they were originally told to do. I dunno, painting a sun seems a lot easier to me, but I guess since she was all rebellious and chose to do her own thing it impressed him. Nina jokes that she’s teacher’s pet which has Amanda stating he’s nice to everyone, but you can already tell that 10 second interaction with the teacher has gotten her smitten. Damn her absentee father giving her all these daddy issues. I wish they had some episode where Amanda ended up dating like a 30 year old, because it would make so much sense/be amazing in general.
Later on in the can Amanda starts asking Nina if she’s ever thought about moving out on her own. Nina says not really since she’s only 14 and comes from a stable family. She then asks Amanda why she’s asking about stuff like that. Amanda doesn’t really give an answer. Nina says its harder now for women since back in the old days we just waited for prince charming to come get us and then force us into wife/mother roles and not have any true independence. Amanda is like well that’s fine which has Nina being like bitch please this is the 90’s, we can take care of ourselves. But yeah, I guess Amanda’s mom wanting the peen constantly has gotten her so fed up she’s ready to move out.
At the end of the school day Amanda goes back to the art room to avoid going home and dealing with Phyllis. The teacher (I should really like skip ahead and get his name because thus far no one has said his name and I clearly can’t remember it), is in the room looking at some slides. He notes that all the other tweens are racing home and Amanda says she’s in no rush because her home is so broken. They bond over the fact that they both come from divorced families and he quotes some other random dead person about how unhappiness comes from not remembering good times. Amanda feels like she’s found her kindred spirit. Andrew (the teacher) is then called away by another teacher for some meeting and Amanda sits in the dark all happy that she’s formed what she considers a deep bond, meanwhile the teacher is just doing his job aka making sure his students are ok.
Next scene Amanda is in the car with her mom and once again Phyllis is back to hounding her about moving in with Stephen. Amanda is pretty much over her mom’s desperation, (her words) and thinks her mom only wants to move in ASAP because even though Stephen cuts the coupons out of the newspaper each weekend, he’s apparently rich. Well every rich person I know also likes to pretend they are the same as us poor plebs so I am not surprised. Amanda tells her mom she can’t force her to live with her and Phyllis says since you’re an annoying ass minor for now I can. Amanda mutters “for now” which leads into a Ready or Not daydream sequence…
It’s honestly just 10 seconds of Amanda as a bride and her teacher is at her window sill with roses ready to whisk her away. I wonder if that male actor felt awkward doing that, but I guess it was a pretty G rated fantasy for a teenager.
Phyllis disrupts the dream and tells Amanda that moving in with Stephen is only one option. I love when parents pretend they are actually giving their kids a choice. Like she’s clearly decided it’s happening, I don’t know why she’s giving Amanda this false hope that she even has an option (well other than moving in with Leonard and/or a shanty town).
The next day while walking to school Busy asks Amanda if she’s going to move in with him. Amanda says “Andrew?” Busy says who tf is Andrew? no Stephen obviously. Amanda then asks how in the hell Busy knew about all that since the last time she attempted to bring it up in the art class Busy told her to shut her yap. Busy plays dumb, but then admits that Phyllis got to whispering in her ear when she phoned Amanda after school and told her to work on her stubborn ass daughter. Amanda’s pretty pissed now because even her best friend is pushing for this to happen. Busy says she’s not sure what the problem is because the loft is big and seems cool. Amanda says the problem is there’s no walls and she’ll hear her mom and Steven banging all the time, and since Busy’s parents don’t do it everyday she can’t understand.
Inside the school Amanda is now in the teacher’s classroom setting up his art supplies for him. While he’s trying to set up an easel she find a post-it note where he wrote down “symbol as meaning” and she naturally takes it to add to her collection of garbage momentos. The teacher asks how things are at home and she says still shitty since her mom is bugging her about moving in with her man candy. The teacher says something that sounds like a quote but I’m not sure if it is, basically that change is one of life’s most inconvenient events. He gives her shoulder a little non-sexual (this isn’t Mr. Colby from Degrassi Jr. High) squeeze, and you can tell Amanda is taking it to mean a lot more than it actually is. We also learn Andrew is being forced to chaperone the dance so Amanda definitely will be making an appearance.
I guess the next day (since Amanda’s wearing a different outfit) we get a small scene of Monkey Ears asking out Amanda, her laughing in his face and then Busy coming along saying that she should give the dork a chance and just go to the dance with him. Amanda says no way in hell, because she must fly solo as something special will be happening. Busy knows right away it’s about some guy, but Amanda plays it coy and doesn’t give away that she’s hot for teacher.
That night Amanda’s decided to steal her mom’s LBD to impress Andrew. Phyllis barges in while she’s practicing schmoozing him up while looking in the mirror. Phyllis wanted to wear the dress for her night out with Stephen, but decides to let Amanda have it as she needs it to impress a boy and Phyllis knows that’s always a top priority for the Zimm women.
So now we’re at the dance and it’s being DJ’d by someone who sucks because all this song is singing is “OOaOooOaoOOoO La la la“. This is pretttty much on par with the disco song from the first Danny episode. This show isn’t even trying with the fake music anymore. I think Shattered Heart might’ve been the last one with actual lyrics. Amanda Busy and Nina are all hanging out on the bleachers, with Nina and Busy admitting the only reason they are at this sad display is to see Amanda’s mystery man.
Busy and Nina try to guess who it is, with Busy mentioning some guy who apparently has really bad ear wax according to Nina lol. But while they are having their random ass convo, teacher Andrew walks in and Amanda lights up like a damn Christmas tree at the sight of his mid 30’s ass. She runs off to get a drink aka have an excuse to talk to him.
FINALLY we learn the teacher’s name, Mr. Sark. How are we 15:45 into this episode and no one ever said his name yet? SLASH perhaps they did, but I’m really too lazy/don’t want to go back and rewatch this episode. If someone wants to be a real MVP and track it next time they watch and let me know that’d be golden. Anyway, they talk about how the dance sucks because no one is there and Mr. Sark mentions it’s been that way since he’s been teaching there for the past eight years. This freaks Amanda out as he began his teaching career when she was barely out of diapers, which makes her kind of doubt her lust for half a millisecond. But I can tell Amanda is def one of those age-ain’t-nothing-but-a-number type girls so it immediately goes back to being a non-issue.
While this extremely awkward moment is happening, Busy is making fun of the fact that Ernie Lipnit “never actually closes his mouth.” HAHHAHA I am loving Nina and Busy’s convos this evening.
So Amanda goes for it and asks Mr. Sark to dance. Of course he says no, because why would he dance with a 14 year old student? However, Amanda’s got an ace up her sleeve and was clearly preparing for the rejection, because she found the perfect Francis Bacon quote to sweep Mr. Sark off his feet. So of course he gives in, likely because he realizes if this teenage girl is willing to seek out such a specific quote for this particular moment there’s really no telling how far she’d go to get him to notice her i.e. into possible illegal territory.
Thus a super awkward as hell dance commences between Amanda and Mr. Sark. Lucky for him though Monkey Ears spots a perfect opportunity to cut in and dance with Amanda and Sark takes that and runs with it/away from Amanda.
Later in the washroom, Amanda is wiping Monkey Ears’ drool off her neck…blech. Nina and Busy are still like “where’s the dude?” Amanda says he’s here and that Andrew is sweet, gorgeous, romantic etc. The girls still haven’t figured out who she is talking about even though the only two men she’s talked to this evening are Sark and ME. Busy literally starts listing all the Andrews they’ve ever known in their life, going back to an Andy Ching in the 5th grade. But Amanda is still playing it cool and not spilling the beans. If I were Busy or Nina at this point I’d stop caring.
Suddenly as they round the corner, Amanda spots Andrew with that teacher from earlier in the episode who came into his classroom about the meeting (probably was a code word for some hanky panky). They seem to be pretty fond of each other as they are standing pretty close by teacher standards. Amanda notices too and is probably instantly flashing back to when she caught Frankie with that random girl. Poor Amanda always has to find her crushes in the arms of other ladies. She runs off and we hear the woman teacher say Andrew aloud so Busy and Nina finally clue in to who Andrew is.
Once again, Busy is there to pick up a shattered Amanda. She doesn’t really give her any answers as to how this weird crush fermented, but Busy knows not to question when it comes to Amanda as literally anything can trigger crushes out of her. Busy offers the only real advice in that Andrew wasn’t Amanda’s type i.e. legal for her to date. Amanda accepts it because frankly it’s true and honestly what did she expect? God this episode is cringey.
The next morning Phyllis comes into the living room to find Amanda had slept on the floor, saying she wants to see what it’s like not sleeping in her own room. I guess in preparation for the inevitable move she’ll be making soon. Amanda says it was terrible, but she slept on the friggin floor right beside a couch! I honestly do not get why she didn’t just sleep on the damn sofa, but anyway. They have small talk about the evening and Amanda tells her things didn’t go well with Mr. Sark and she’s done with that. Her mom still has no idea her daughter was harboring this lust for an older man so she’s like that’s a shame. The episode ends with them talking about some random shit from Amanda’s childhood.
I found this episode a real chore to get through. Other than Nina and Busy’s various conversations, there wasn’t anything funny in this and the teacher crush was cringey and out of nowhere. I honestly think this episode would’ve worked way better if it came after another episode that comes later on this season. Once I review I’ll mention it again, as it would make a lot more sense for Amanda to be crushing on an older man after that episode rather than before.
Actually said episode is the next one, Amanda will learn a troubling secret about daddy dearest Leonard…will their relationship survive? Until next time!
Ready or Not Reviewed! 